I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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