And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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