Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
