so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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