they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
