At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
