And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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