Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
