The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
