Ambien. No doubt about it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
