so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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