its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My vagina just clenched in fear
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
