She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
