To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
