And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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