There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
