Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize