my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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