we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
