Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
