just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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