I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
