Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
