no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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