She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
