i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
