There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize