What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize