I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
