Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
