I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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