Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
