I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize