He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
