You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your mouth is God's brothel.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
