In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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