its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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