I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
