i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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