I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
