margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
