they need to just BURY HIM!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
