just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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