Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
