she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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