His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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