Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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