So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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