When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my shit smells like andre
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
