i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
