he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
