He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A+ Viking dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
