Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Found the puke drawer
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
