Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
