we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
