i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
