If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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