Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
