Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Terrible idea I love it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
