you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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