if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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