I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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