WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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