Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
