Tell her she can't have a vagina
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
