so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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