Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have post one night stand depression
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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