we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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