I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
