i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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