it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
