So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
